Funny Amazon User Reviews

One of the greatest fears for any company considering the addition of user-generated content on their site is false, negative, or malicious reviews or discussions that could decrease sales or editorial integrity. Most of these fears are overblown if you have smart mechanisms in place, or a strong community that can police itself. Even when inaccurate UGC slips through the cracks, all is not necessarily lost.

The following Amazon reviews show how inaccurate user-generated content can actually take an absolutely boring product and make it a viral force on the Internet. Below you will find the funniest user reviews currently gracing

12 Funniest Amazon User Reviews

funny pants Amazon review

Zubaz Pants
Somehow I think the picture and this review actually help with sales… for Halloween.

“I was searching for clothes that speak to me.. These pants not only spoke to me, they entered my soul and transformed me. When I get out of my bitchin 78 camaro wearing these bad boys, there’s no question who the boss man is… There are many places these can be worn to attract the female species: Tractor pull, Walmart, NASCAR events, local neighborhood crack houses, & any place in the state of Iowa.”

Yellow Cake Amazon Review

Duncan Hines Classic Yellow Cake Mix

Who knew Amazon sold Uranium concentrate for only $19? Check out this honest Amazon reviewer:

“The price is right — so that’s 1 star right there. And the convenience of super-saver delivery spares me I don’t even know how many trips to Niger. That’s another star.

However, try as I might, I could never get this stuff to enrich to fully weapons-grade. If it worked half as well in my ballistic missiles as it does in my research reactor, it’d be 5 stars. Maybe you’ll have better luck. It’s possible that my centrifuge is hinky.

Cat Genie Amazon Funny ReviewCat Genie Cat Box

This $275 cat box claims to be self-cleaning, but this Amazon customer disagrees, in his own humorous way:

“Cat Genie takes the small unpleasantness of daily cleaning the litter and it saves it up and releases that unpleasantness as one big unscheduled, unpleasant inconvenience every week or two. Advanced monitors will ensure that the device failure will occur during the workday, as you prepare for your important meeting with your prospective client. Nothing like cleaning out wet cat poo in your nicest suit. Or, you may be pleasantly awoken in the middle of the night by the repeating three beeps of “there’s poo and hair in the hopper.”

You will become more familiar with your cat’s feces every day as the cat genie gently fills your home with the aroma of baking excrement… And your cats will thank you by depositing their love bundles beside the machine that’s half filled with water and beeping away…

To say something positive, the customer support line is manned by kind, well-meaning kids who really do feel badly that you’re having a hard time with your mechanical poo soup maker.”

amazon socket funny reviewsWattgate 381 Audio Grade Duplex Socket
$148 for a socket? It still might be worth it. Check out the Amazon user review:

“…when I went to my porch to get the package, the package was just floating there. It was about 2 or 3 feet off the ground… I add a drop of water to the bottom of the box and to my surprise the receptacle began to re-assemble itself. I should have known. Nano-machine technology…one of the machines went haywire, escaped the box and ate my television. I am not happy about it.”

tucan milk amazon review

Tuscan Whole Milk
A seemingly boring product with no Amazon description, spurred a complete poetic parody that starts off:

Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts ‘N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
‘Bad condensor, that,’ I muttered, ‘vibrating the icebox door –
Only this, and nothing more.’

Link Cable Denon Amazon Funny ReviewDenon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable
Another ridiculously priced item ($2,500 used) followed by a ridiculously funny review:

“After the Denon helicopter and armed delivery guards left, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed; Do I deserve a cable so supreme? Is my music worthy to be transported across such a sublime linkage? These thought were racing thru my mind even before I open the silver case with the ivory inlay. When I mustered enough courage to lift the lid, I am not ashamed to admit I pee’ed myself at what I saw. Pictures don’t do it justice, the Denon AKDL1 is beautiful. As I reached for it, I became aware of a low humming noise coming from the cable. It was warm to the touch and seemed to pulse with energy. It actually moved in my hand, slowly writhing as if seeking sound and music to improve with its touch.

It was then that I realized I was tap dancing. This is strange, because I dont know how to tap dance… I honestly can’t even keep a beat, but there I was dancing like Fred Astaire. I began to realize other improvement in myself, just by holding the cable. I can now speak Farsi, drive a Zamboni, paint by numbers, and wait patiently in line at the Post Office; all skills I never had before!”

Amazon Fresh Rabbit ReviewFresh Whole Rabbit
This product was on Amazon before Amazon Fresh existed. The reviews on Rabbit from Amazon are mixed:

“We ordered one of these rabbits for our children this Easter and boy what a surprise. It is NOT a living rabbit. Someone has killed this rabbit and skinned it… our children were traumatized … On the upside, we don’t have to fill their Easter baskets anymore as we told them the Easter bunny was killed by Amazon.”

“How many weekends have I spent, in the loincloth, knife clenched in my teeth, running through the fields trying to find a rabbit? … yank this carcass out of the box and offer this at the feet of my dark lord and master.”

Berries Book Amazon FunnyBerries (Hardcover) By Roger Yespen
A seemingly harmless subject can still face the wrath of an Amazon reviewer. I wonder if the author saw this coming:

“It is to my amazement and shock that for all of its detailed information, this book contains nothing about dingleberries. While I will concede that most of civilized society still regards the humble dingleberry as more of a nuisance than as a bona fide member of the berry kingdom, this should hardly be a reason to exclude them from the berry vernacular.

I can only guess in contemplating the motivation behind the exclusion of the dingleberry from this volume. Perhaps it’s because the dingleberry is not considered a key ingredient of any contemporary delicacy (e.g. pies or muffins) for obvious reasons. I don’t anticipate an emergence of dingleberry milkshakes or some kind of off-the-wall Ben & Jerry’s flavor (like “Dingleberry Manilow” or something). But even as such, culinary function is hardly the only defining characteristic of a berry. So I really can’t comprehend the reasoning. Hopefully the publisher can correct this egregious omission in future editions.”

Uranium Ore Amazon ReviewUranium Ore
You can bet the Yellow Cake Amazon users had fun with this one as well. Here are a couple reviews:

“I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.”

“I bought this to power a home-made submarine that I use to look for prehistoric-era life forms in land-locked lakes around my home… The quality of this Uranium is on par with the stuff I was buying from the Libyans over at the mall parking lot, but at half the price!”

burger king mask on AmazonDeluxe Burger King Mask
One Amazon reviewer pokes fun at the wierd Burger King commercials:

“I’ve finally found a way to frighten the ever loving crap out of my enemies AND offer them delicious artery-clogging fast food at the same time! … I can now slip into their beds in the middle of the night and then try to silence their waking screams by offering them piping hot Croissan’Wiches!”

Talking Yoda Amazon Funny ReviewElectronic Ask Yoda
With all this Amazon review hacking, you knew there had to be at least one Star Wars product.

“Took him to the office, and I don’t know how our company grew to profitability without his centuries-old wisdom and guidance. Any simple old question, like “Should I hire this Harvard MBA type person” and “Is $300,000 too much in Salary” were quickly and decisively dealt with by ol’ Yoda. Customers, however, were less than thrilled when Yoda was put in control of their pricing. Turns out he’s a greedy little guy.”

Wolf Moon Shirt Amazon ReviewsThree Wolf Moon Shirt
This is probably the most famous product on Amazon, thanks to a number of LOL reviews. Here are some excerpts:

“This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women… I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter, sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks…”

Another user had this to say: “This unearthly garment wasn’t created by man but by the god Zeus himself spun from the fibers of his own chest hair at a 14 million thread count… Just follow these simple steps and you too can holster the power that is THE THREE WOLVES SHIRT. 1)Shirt on. 2)Prowl. 3)Take em back to trailer. 4) Ectasy. Thank you Zeus.”

The 3 Wolf Moon Shirt has become such a phenomenon, it even has its own parody video:

So you see, even bad UGC can be good. Have other favorite reviews or funny UGC examples? Feel free to add them in the comments below.

This entry was posted in UGC Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Funny Amazon User Reviews

  1. Wandrwoman says:

    Good post, good selections of classic Amazon parody reviews.

  2. A few new ones I have never seen. I will add these to my funny amazon review website. Thanks!

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